If your name is Cunt , come in for a free rose.

hahaha. Friendships are weird. They're all different in some way. What happened to all those people that you were so tight with 10 years ago? You had a common interest. Peoples interests change. You'd like to think that some of those relationships had a lil more meaning than "we love getting stoned together." Or, "Lets go to the bar and get shit housed." Kinda bums me out. My Brother and my room mate said I used to be cool and fun to hang out with. Haha. Ok. Thanks guys. I pay my bills on time(for the most part). I never miss work. 4 times in 6 years? 2 Food poisonings, one snowed in and one .... hmmm. Make that 3 times. Damn, those fuckers should give me an award. I actually walked to work once in the snow, uphill both ways. I know that sounds like a load of shit, but its true. What do you call it when the Meat dept. staff is having a meeting? A Meating. I came up with that one all by myself. Kinda proud. I work with a bunch of old perverted men. Present company included of course. Im excluded.

Dicks

This dick head I work with always wears a Santa hat the week of XMAS. Hes a good Christian. The biggest asshole I know is a Christian. Ironic. You dont say chicken ass, LEGO wiener. Its a Free Chihuahua. I want Genes nuts. Free nuts. "Are you on the LARGE side and lonely?" Haha. Large side. Can I get a large side of mashed potatoes with that bucket of genetically engineered chicken breast? This auto save function is pretty sweet. Im constantly getting distracted and forgetting about doing shit like this. Ive lost so many brilliant ideas due to the lack of auto save functionality. Thank you Google. If you take the second G and the E out of Google and slide the l over...... GOD. Weird. This a sign. Annunaki have gotten to us through the internet. Those little buggers. Theyre on their way back here and it aint gonna be pretty. Planet X is on a direct collision course with planet Earth. I bet that it will collide with us on 12 22 2012. Its all over. Start partying and fucking all holes. Ill just be at work. Goodnight.

nope

Waking up with a Charlie horse in your leg is pretty much the lamest shit ever. Note to self: Dont sleep on couch anymore. Someone thinks Im a hottie. So stoked on that. I suggested to chick that I know that she should make an apple pie that looked like a vagina. Well, she was making some titty cookies. It seemed like the obvious next step. She was like "Hey Chai guy check out these sweet titty cookies I made." hahaha. Chai guy. God. Do you like The Melvins? Good stuff. Heavy. Hmmmm. Hey Carl way to force yourself upon another young punk, that has "no respect for his elders." Damn punks. One day that kid will downsize you. Its a Dog Eat Dog world out there boy. Put up the XMAS tree the other day. Its nice. Looks like a postcard. Bug likes to just look at it cause "its so pretty."

JOb

I think my co worker has a serious problem. I think he wants to bang really old ladies while they talk about their cats, NASCAR and cooking. I "ppreciate" you. Heres $2.50 in QFC bucks for all your hard work. And the big XMAS bonus is..... Wait for it.. Two pieces of candy. Dary. Thats what my hard work and dedication is worth. It was really good candy though. This lady I work withs husband died last week. A card was sent around to sign. Everyone said, "its Gods Plan." "Its Gods Will." "Youre in our prayers." I said, " Im sorry God didnt listen to anyones prayers. Im sorry God has such a shitty plan. Im sorry he has such a weak will."